The Smoking Mirror of Relationships. It’s very easy to point fingers and blame others for making us sad, angry or upset… The secret is, we would not have felt those emotions in the first place if they were not in us already. What? Strange concept, right? The way we talk, treat others, behave and carry ourselves is all based on our perception of ourselves. Ever heard of the expression; as he thinks in his heart so is he? How does this work exactly? If you believe you are average, you will behave and treat others average, who will in turn, treat you average. Your subconscious mind will make sure you behave and feel average in order to keep this perception manifested (This is a function of the subconscious mind). Can you see why it’s difficult for some people to just boost their confidence and change their self-image? The smoking mirror of relationships have 2 kinds of smoke:
1. The smoke on the sides;
In relationships the perception you have of yourself as well as the other person will affect your relationship with them IMMENSELY. For example; Jen’s perception is that her husband does not understand her and does not have the ability to comfort her emotionally. Jen’s subconscious mind takes this perception and ONLY shows her this as well as provokes her to behave / speak / react in ways that influences her husband to not understand or comfort her emotionally. As also said by Stephen R. Covey, in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; People will act the way you treat them. What is the solution then?
Say for instance Jen DECIDES that she has the key to create her relationship the way she wants it, she can then ask her subconscious mind to show her ways to change in herself that will lead her husband to understand her and comfort her emotionally. Let us look at another example; Luke might have a victim-like mind-set, which means, he will take offence from most people’s comments and experience that he is always the victim. The subconscious will keep putting him in situations where he is the victim. Remember the subconscious mind only does its job, which in this case is; maintaining all your perceptions.
2. In the middle of the mirror clouding your judgement;
All the things that annoy you of the other person only annoy you because you do them too. Lol… Yes, you read correctly! Here is an example; Paul hates it when his wife leaves her towel on the floor and this is because Paul sometimes leaves things on the floor too – just not necessarily a towel. Another example would be John gets angry when his mother tells him what to do. He, on the other hand, boss people around by never asking
them politely, but only command what he wants.
What is the smoke here?
If something someone does makes you angry, sad, annoyed, upset, etc., find the root
reflection in yourself FIRST. The smoke makes us believe that the other person is
responsible for our emotions instead of searching for the solution in ourselves.
This is not easy to control, as I mentioned earlier; it’s easier to blame others… You have
to make a conscious decision to always be alert of your perceptions and reflections.
What can you do to ensure a clean sparkly mirror?
Step 1: Monitor your thoughts
Step 2: Change your inner voice; what do you say to yourself about YOU and others
Step 3: Change your perception about yourself and others
Step 4 : Find the reflection ( it’s very rarely the other person’s reflection)
Need help with this?
Take a Leap Coaching can help you find your wings!!!
Visit www.takealeapcoaching.com for more information or articles
Or contact Elsa Cronje at 0825401673 / elsacronje@takealeapcoaching.com